droppin bride at the altar

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 18:23:45 GMT

with all this drama that has been going on, i'm starting a new livejournal. :)

schussboomer :) yess

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 19:14:44 GMT

i came home this morning to go to the store with my gma and everyone, but when i got here.. my dad was drunk and my gma's "leg hurt too bad." then i go to sleep since i was up all night and they leave.

bitch ass bitches.

now she's moved on and i need to work on that more..

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 20:01:02 GMT

check this fuckin scenario:

there's this girl that has been your best friend since grade 5, you ended getting together in the 8th grade and were together for two years. thought you had the PERFECT love, talked about getting married and having kids and thought everything was peachy FUCKIN keen. then, she says she doesn't like you, won't like you and to forget everything that happened in the last two years.. and when you talk with them they act like they have 20 million better things to do.

you have no idea how much this hurts, and even if you did, you wouldn't care enough to fix it. all i want to do is be your friend, you have friends, plenty of them.. so why not one more? its not hard to do, but you'd have to put in the effort too.

believe me, i want to get over you.. but i can't. not right yet.

&& i don't think i'm going to have the guts to see you

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 23:22:19 GMT

so i need to get to my mom's tomorrow and i have no ride. well like two rides there, but no ride back..

suckiest summer E V E R, i promise

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 04:12:43 GMT

i have a new love<3

tomorrow we're going to eat mexican food and go shopping at goodwill. how exciting.
i've recently started thinking about someone else besides jessica, and this someone else has liked me for two years...
see lilly skank: jackie...i want to be with you, and i really do think i could figure some way out to get to see you. an i would see you everyday at school.
see lilly skank: you dont realize...every person i think i start to like, i compare to you. an it just doesnt matter, i care about you,
see lilly skank: it's jus so hard cuz im afraid when you actually do give me a chance all jessy has to do, is say she wants you back. thats my only worry.

and this is not Lilly. lol
i think i just may be moving along.. as long as jessica forgets my birthday..

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 23:41:06 GMT

i started my period today. enough said

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 18:12:12 GMT

last night at laci's party.. me and erica talked about stuff. it was weird because we've never talked before and she acted like she was way comfortable. it was fun, i need to go out more often.

today, i'm going to talk to someone about a job at mr. gatti's. i really hope i get it, but then i kind of don't because i want to see my mom more this summer.

uhm, yea that's pretty much it.

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 23:45:08 GMT

my nails look pretty today, but today while i was taking a bath, my right pinky-nail became a "hang-nail" so i had to cut it. so 9 of my nails look pretty.

i think i'm on my way to recovery. i went all day without talking to her and i haven't until about 45 minutes ago and that's only cuz she IMed me. which is good. i don't need to talk to someone who doesn't want me.. its bad on the heart and mind and stuff like that.

tomorrow is my eye appointment, finally. && then at 5 i'm going to kristina's party for a while. and that's it

Tue, 30 May 2006 04:27:23 GMT

since friday, i've watched titanik 7 times. i'm not sure why but i love that movie. i just watched ATHF on adult swim and i forgot how much i love that show. so for my birthday, i want the second and third seasons on dvd. i have the first one and i want to complete my collection, they've always been sold out everytime i go to get them.

tomorrow night i have a date and i couldn't be more excited. saturday i'm going to get my glass, fo sho. sunday i have an "interview" for a job at mr. gatti's in UC. so i have to be less-extreme with my hair, which sucks. bigg time.

today has been so lazy.. i layed around from 11am to about 730 when my gpa took me to get some ice cream. tomorrow i'm going to clean my room and my fish tank. you can't see my floor and Betta Gusto's rocks are green.

i'm so glad to hear that Lilly had fun this weekend. i like it when my friends have fun because i have more fun listening to their adventures, even if i don't have any myself.

i put this clear nail polish on my nails and it looks SO pretty. my gma said that when her leg feels better, we're going to get manicures and pedicures. it will be soo fun.

18 days until my birthday. now i can have a countdown!

Sun, 28 May 2006 18:58:33 GMT

every night, when i lay down and i'm about to go to sleep.. i still say to myself "i love je..." then i stop because i'll never get the same back. ever again. i'm so tired of being sad over her. i'll never be happy with anyone again. and i know everyone says "you're 15. you're gonna find someone who really cares about you.... there's always someone better.. you can't expect it to last forever..."

i am 15, i will not find anyone else who really did care about me, there may be someone better for me but i can promise you they won't like me, and i can expect it to last forever. just because she won't say "i love you" for the hell of it, or just because she won't call me, or when i call her crying she just sits there, doesn't mean i'm going to stop trying. as stupid and pathetic and desperate that sounds, i'm not going to. i'll continue to go on being miserable just so she can have her fun... i always promised myself we'd be together forever. i will change everything about myself all over again, just for her.

i have no choice.

Fri, 26 May 2006 14:35:38 GMT

last day of school and i have to sit at school until 1, borrring its mad chaos in the computer lab right now.. everyone's registering for dual credit and i'm not. i hope things work out tomorrow and wednesday. i miss lilly already. last night Gail, my aunt's girlfriend, took me to the forum to pick out a dress for kristi's graduation party and for the graduation tonight. its wayy pretty but now i hear that the dress for her party is casual, or whatnot. i'm kinda upset because its SOO pretty. and i got two new pairs of flip-flops. i may be going away at the end of june for like 4 or 5 days and if i do, i will come back with a TOTALLY new outlook on life and friends, and it will do WONDERS. yeaaaa i'm gonna go sit outside and wait for 1 to roll around.

Thu, 25 May 2006 00:56:07 GMT

its so nice to have this much time to myself now.
today i came home, watched chronicles of narnia, did my geometry review, talked on the phone and cleaned my room. later i have to finish the movie, my review and make a few more phone calls. hopefully they will be positive..

today was so crazy. i had lunch with people i could never seen myself having lunch with in a million and nine years, if that made sense. we went to taco and had one hell of an adventure. tomorrow is going to be soo boring. all i have to take is the history exam and we get to use the review with the answers; it won't be hard, i just don't want to do it. after that we'll do NOTHING, nothing at all. i just have sit around until 3:40. when i get home me and my grandma are going to buy me a sundress for friday. saturday i'm going to get my eyes checked and i'll get glasses. thennnnn monday, we're having a WICKED slumber party at shelbster's. eeexxxccciiitttinnnggggggg :]

i love tootsie, and that is all

Tue, 23 May 2006 22:26:20 GMT

last night i was so sad.. everything went wrong for me and then today at school things were boring. Lilly got me out of 2nd and that put me in a better mood. i'm so glad we talked all day today. its real nice to feel like a girl again, with "girl talk" and girly emotions. i hope we can spend ALL summer together, well after her madre leavvveesssss
i forgot to call my step-dad last night to wish him happy birthday. i felt soo bad last night when i went to sleep. so i'm waiting until like 6 to call because they work.
an ups van just came and tootsie barked so loud. i hate it when she barks. my grandma is like a regular customer with QVC. i hate that show, but i do wish she would buy me some silk sheets.. my grandma's birthday is thursday. she'll be frickin 67, good god. she wants me to buy her something but i got no dinero. well, only 13 dollars.
i made an 89 in biologia, but ms preiss is giving everyone 3 points so i'm going to have an a. which meannnssss i'll start my summer off with $50. yesss
i was talking to KOD today and he's moving back to georgewest on sunday.. its soo sad. i know some people that are graduating and i never realized how sad the end of the year is. hopefully he'll viiisssiiitttt

ughhh, now i have to listen to my grandma pop those package-ing bubbles all night..

Mon, 22 May 2006 21:00:48 GMT

tomorrow is the last real day of school, thank da lord.

today i realized that i could be slipping into another "depression." i know it sounds stupid.. i would say it was stupid if anyone else said it. everyone says that they wanted me, then when i'm alone they want NOTHING to do with me. i don't get it. i didn't do anything wrong to be lead on by EVERYONE in EVERY way. life's not fair and i hate it. i'm sure by tonight i'll get back on here and delete this entry because i'll talk to someone that makes me feel better for the time being but as of right now, i'm soo sad with everything and everyone.

Sun, 21 May 2006 17:01:04 GMT

i woke up at 10:30.. i went to sleep at 9 last night. its good that i got something like 13 hours of sleep, but i feel like i didn't move at all. i'm sore everywhere, because of a sunburn and my muscles, or something.
now that school's coming to an end, i need to find things to do. as of now, the "friend" i wanted is going through a tragic time and that makes me reallllllly sad. i think i've been unfair to the whole situation.. for the time they've been gone, i've just wanted to talk. everytime we get off the phone i want to say "i hope everything's going good, and i'll be here for you when you come home" but i can never get it out. its like i'm too scared of the reation towards it.. well not scared of the reaction, but not knowing what to say after the reaction. hm, i don't know...
so i'll just wait until they get home and we'll have a 'heart-to-heart' conversation and make sure that everything goes good. or at least well.

today i have to be at clemens at 2:30 to hit a gong once.. but i get to see stan and devyn. soo, this could be fun.
ooh, yesterday i got a henna tattoo. its a green star. i wish it would last more than 4 days... ha

lovin is what i got

Sat, 20 May 2006 02:20:15 GMT

i just got back from chase's, and it was fun. i'm real glad i went. i'm glad that Lilly can talk to me ( and Farmer) about stuff she can't nessesary-ily tell other people. i've always wanted a friend like that. i kinda feel a bit sick now... raviolli and ciggarettes. ohh, it'll pass. i have to get up at 6:45 tomorrow to go to fiesta texas, for all day. i hope that's funnnnnn

so even though my plans were ruined for tonight, i filled it in with closer friends and that feels good. :]

Fri, 19 May 2006 01:45:47 GMT

my plans for tomorrow night may be ruined. that makes me kind of sad, but i'll live.
tonight my dad took me to counseling... and on the way home, we jammed:

I've got your picture of me and you
You wrote "I love you" I wrote "me too"
I sit there staring and there's nothing else to do
Oh it's in color Your hair is brown
Your eyes are hazel And soft as clouds
I often kiss you when there's no one else around

I've got your picture, I've got your picture
I'd like a million of you all round my cell
I want a doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning 'round

I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

I've got your picture, I've got your picture
I'd like a million of them all round my cell
I want the doctor to take a picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning 'round

I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger
That's why I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

Thu, 18 May 2006 22:35:23 GMT

i feel a little swamped today.. with homework. well not homework. its more like the work i've been putting off all month until now. i really need to fix that about myself. procrastination is not the answer. i brushed tootsie just a few minutes ago and she is losing so much hair again. normally dogs lose their winter coats at this time a year, but she loses soo much hair this time of year, every year. its sad, and she has really dry skin so it like flakes. but, she's not sick. we think she's allergic to something in the house but its not that bad because she's still alive. June 19th we've had her for 4 years. :]
tomorrow i have to go to school early, like 7:45 to get my teachers to sign my exemption papers because i won't be there because of annoying band. Saturday we're going to watch the middle school play some songs, then later that day we're going to fiesta texas. i hate fiesta texas. Sunday we play some songs at clemens at 3. soo if anyone wants to gooooooo and see meeee......
tomorrow night = a new friendship.
i hope "POSIDEN" is good, it should be. i've watched some of the original one but it was made like 30 years ago so the graphics sucked.
my grandma is hurt so we have to do everything around the house now... that sucks too.

i need some sleep.

Wed, 17 May 2006 23:36:41 GMT

so i was looking forward to stealing a layout but then i got an idea and i did this one. how neat.

today in 4th period i talked to my cousin jackie. :] i love it when she gives me advice about stuff that's going to happen. she's so smart and i love her. we send emails back and forth, between buffalo, new york and marion, texas, telling each other about our days and significant others. maybe one summer i'll have enough money and stay with her. everyone seems to be going to new york this summer... maybe that's a sign......

well my back hurts from sitting hurr so i'm going to lay down

Wed, 17 May 2006 00:15:14 GMT

i hate boys.
they suck.
all of them

me and my cousin are having a little birthday party that now has to be moved up a week because someone will be going to new york. its going to be really dumb, but its nice that my aunt is throwing it for us. what can i say, i'm excited!
noww, i may have a "date" to take to my mom's for the weekend of my birthday. i just need to get my hurr did and everything will be just PEACHY.

Tue, 16 May 2006 02:55:08 GMT

my aunt has started taking ambien and it makes her do crazzzy things. this past weekend, she stabbed herself in both wrists. deep enough to where she had to go to the hospital to get staples. and last night, she was "sleep walking" and told my cousin that a man was coming to get them and to hide in her closet, and when they found her, she was asleep in front of the front door with a knife. if she gets committed she'll lose my cousins for good. she couldn't deal with that...
she's not that crazy, its the medicine. but she is pretty crazy.

soo, i'm worried.

Mon, 15 May 2006 21:18:36 GMT

today we talked. it reminded me soo much of two years ago. he held my face and said "i will, just wait." asoeirjaowgingjfbflhwoeqrh!!

something good better come out of this.....

Mon, 15 May 2006 02:36:39 GMT

because i'm the one who likes two other boys, i have to deal with the consequences of her W R A T H. on maybe other people or myself. so i called to say "happy mother's day" and to ask "How was your day, the LOVE OF MY LIFE.." and she agrees to "talk later."
lame
so my new friend called me tonight to say she got my letter that i put so much thought into. now my gma likes her and i've decided that there is a good summer ahead of me.
buttttttt, no drugs; no no.
i've always thought that i need more friends, more people to get along with, and more people to relate to. maybe this summer and next school year i can open-up to more people and not just sit there in my little desk thinking about ONE PERSON everyday, who never would gave me the time of day if we weren't together. like now.
piss
this kinda sucks....

just a reminder:

Sun, 14 May 2006 19:23:37 GMT

last night i was thinking that maybe i made a mistake with jessica.. but then i got to thinking how much it sucked to cry everynight before i went to sleep. so as long as i read this when i feel like taking her back, i'll be okay.

thank you jackie.

Sat, 13 May 2006 18:44:40 GMT

we got our project for neumann's done last night. its pretty stupid and i hope we get a good grade on it. we should because all the other movies i saw were stupid and they got 100s....
today i'm going to start growing my chia pet and clean my fish tank. then later i'm going to my cousin's for a party. maybe i'll go swimming. :] i love swimming.

i hope i can make a good, strong friendship this summer. i'd like to help a friend through hard times. at least she responded this time